youthsewage | reading

“And I can be your light, when all you know is fear”

Sorry I missed a day again, just get used to there being atleast one missing blog, i’m always doing something else.

Nothings really happened lately, just mom getting mad over meaningless things. I’ve been writing more, you’ll probably see more (higher quality) poems here whilst I bore.

I’ve been way more into my old yeemo phase now. Binge watching Dan and Phil at the moment whilst listening to Jordan Sweeto. I guess i’m just growing into my old habits, i’m happy about that. I missed being a weird nerdy child. Played with my friends yesterday to. Whiteboard and minecraft and maybe roblox if i’m awake enough to remeber right now, I feel listless. All of them are at school sadly, no one to hang out with or call. Either that or the people who can i haven’t associated with in months.

I got sick AGAIN. This is the worst.
no coffee, I feel nothing

Turn the music up and swing your hips from the ceiling.
ox- Antonio

current mood: listless
current location: floor
current muzic: :I’ll Save You:Jordan Sweeto:

tags:

There's like 10 days left until TAI... release their new album, and 32 days until I see them in April, how do you guys feel about the singles we have already?

Personally, I'm not a fan of the reverb used on 2005, or the dreamy sounding aspect of the singles I've heard, but, I do like L-Train the most.

But what do you all think?

"Oh time doesn't care about anyone or anything"

current mood: curious
current muzic: (Coffee's For Closers) - Fall Out Boy

So I wasn't gonna mention that I'm not in my house and city for spring break since I didn't think it would be relevant...but I think it's gonna start being relevant very soon. So I live in a very small town and my uncle (dad's side) lives in a very large city (I'm a Floridian just guess which one), and I think we're gonna be moving to this bigger city soon.

I don't know when, but it's a big possibility since there's more jobs here or something. I never really cared for the town I live in regularly, but idk how to feel now that there's a chance I'll leave. I love my dad and want him to not be stressed anymore, so I feel so selfish for not being okay with it. :(

I don't even know how to make myself feel better right now, my usual poison is listening to music, but even that's failing me, my stomach aches like hell because of this.

Mega unhappy face.

current mood: nauseated
current muzic: Everything We Had - The Academy Is...

tags:

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current mood: Yearning
current muzic: Death of Seasons - AFI

tags:

“Hand in mine, into your icy blues”

Today kind of pissed me off, but oh well. My brother made us late to pick up the puppies (we were gonna get new dogs) at the adoption center AND completely ignored what I was trying to explain to him. Then he kept poking and touching me. Obviously i told him to stop, as it was annoying, and I was already in a very bad mood. Guess what, he completely disregarded that too at continued to poke me. I was so mad.

I realized my posts have sprung up into some sort of love-bug-ish thread, and it seems very stalker-esque, at least to me. No I am not some crazy stalker obsessed with some random guy. I am a crazy stalker obsessed with my husband, Ryan (cue the dreamy 60s romance music) . I seemed to forget i need to disclose that here. IM MARRIED!! (7 months as of now YAYAY)

I have been very excited because this year on my birthday I get to go wherever I so choose. I’m picking to visit Ryan because this may be my only chance right now. At the moment we’re planning, as none of our parents know about our little forbidden love affair. My parents don’t even know i have online friends, and they would absolutely crucify me if they knew I had an online boyfriend.

no coffee today, but cookies!!!

X AND O- TONY

current mood: ecstatic
current location: home
current muzic: :Demolition Lovers:My Chemical Romance:

tags:

Touch my shoulder. it stays on my skin when you take back your hand. please keep me. please keep tonight and don't go anywhere. i can't rely on you to save me but you're doing it anyway and you don't even know. It's probably fairest this way.

Can we dance in the beginning of your end

Ties untethered, unbreakable

I cry because of your flowers

I cry because i know

My sweet lilly

The valleys to far from you

Till it’s not even skin on skin

We’re just beating hearts in a mason jar

And yet that,

For me,

Will never be so close

I want to be connected to you,

To be sewn together

To be you

Let’s carve our names

And say our vows

No romeo

I want to kiss you

Teeth to teeth

Till their mangled from the wildness

I am an endless song

I don’t even have a catchy chorus

Yet, you still play the drums

With all your heart

I love you, lilly boy, but you are to far from the valley.

from me.

current mood: sleepy
current location: couch
current muzic: :Perfect: Dance Gavin Dance:

tags:

Happy Saturday!

I'm going to be doing a little maintenance today. It will likely cause a tiny interruption of service (specifically for www.dreamwidth.org) on the order of 2-3 minutes while some settings propagate. If you're on a journal page, that should still work throughout!

If it doesn't work, the rollback plan is pretty quick, I'm just toggling a setting on how traffic gets to the site. I'll update this post if something goes wrong, but don't anticipate any interruption to be longer than 10 minutes even in a rollback situation.

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

current muzic: Golden - Fall Out Boy

tags:

ed,
vent

Seven weeks to go, and i should try to enjoy it. it's exactly what i wanted. i hope you'll sit outside with me when it's too hot.

“Let’s be alone together”

I am finally ungrounded!

Today was good and bad, mostly good, or mostly bad…I can’t really tell. I’m officially on spring break which is AWSOME! I’ve been waiting for a break from all this mess. My mom also announced we’re getting a pupper tomorrow, also AWSOME! In school I had a really bad stomach ache, at some points I could barely pick up my chrome-book or move, but on the plus I got to head to the nurses office a lot and people carried my stuff.

By the end of the day we had a big party for people with perfect to almost-perfect attendance, I don’t know how I ended up in there but it was super fun. We got popcorn and a bunch of popsicles and got to play outside in the parking lot. I (mischievous as ever) got the AP to play PEAK (Fall Out Boy) for almost the whole time out there, turns out he is a big fan and went to some of their first big concerts (NOFAIRNOFAIRNOFAIIRR)

coffee day, very happy

You’re crazy and wild, my pretty lily, valley boy.

xOO- Tonyboy

current mood: loved
current location: couch
current muzic: :Alone Together:Fall Out Boy:

tags:

what’s with people always assuming something is about them? it pisses me off..a lot. who even says you’re that relevant in someone’s life? and even if (and when) it’s about you, what makes you think you’re so special?

anyways. i hate how i know so much and so little about music. you think i’d be the fucking pop punk know-it-all because it’s all i talk about, but i feel like i know nothing.

i hate that caring so much about music makes me feel immature. i don’t want it to be something i grow out of. but when i hear the artists i look up to talking about how after their teenage years music didn’t mean as much, i can’t help but think it’s inevitable. i get so defensive about music because it’s something i can always turn to. something that’s still there when my nose stings, or when my nails mark my palms, or when my mouth hurts from smiling. so the idea of me not caring about it enough later in life is crazy to me.

i get so defensive about music because a lot of people don’t actually care. whether they only listen because they’re bored or to show off to someone they like. i hate posers

current mood: bitchy

Wish i was playing music. Wish i was swimming. got cold again here, all OK, but i caught myself daydreaming about warmer nights.

I got to cut class since 4th period, plus I'm not going tomorrow anyway so I got early springbreak! I need to buy the phone plan for my flip phone now that I have it (finally).

Testing is gonna start up now in April unfortunately, but its worth it for that feeling of utter relief when it's over, it does mean I have to actually learn math now, I absolutely hate algebra.

Though my reading exams have always been easy for me, I got the highest in my grade last quarter, plus I'm just best at reading and creative writing, it's my thing, sort of.

But I get to worry allllll about that after spring break, thankfully.

"As the smile ran away from his face"

current mood: anxious
current muzic: Piano Man - Billy Joel

tags:

i am SO tired of people who just gained an idea of what real music is trying to tell me i don’t know about music. you literally just found about thursday and expected me not to know them?? i put you onto chiodos, why would i not know thursday? like it genuinely makes me sick. how am i a larp but you were listening to phonk just last year?? i’m getting that ache in my jaw that i always get when i’m angry. now it’s in my shoulder ugh

why would i not know about music when it’s all that i got?

hit me, knock me out, and let me go back to sleep.

current mood: frustrated

" all the colors of the street signs, they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house"

I just realized I've been doing my setup completely wrong this whole time. I'm such a moron. The title is supposed to be ya know, the TITLE, and the lyrics go above my paragraphs. I don't know if I'm gonna change the others to fit the layout or just keep it the same... eh...

I'm in class right now at my busiest. Busiest at doing nothing. I mean i finished some assignments I was missing but that's it.

today is soooo slow, but that's probably because its only the beginning.

It's later in the day now and guess what, it was so terrible. Actually no, my day was fine UNTIL a teacher pulled me out of 7th hour to "discuss" my little angry rant here. I said some words that got my laptop flagged. Now I have a meeting with the counselor tomorrow in my day. I don't want to talk to her, I don't trust any counselors, they make me mad.

They talked to my mom too; I was really mad about that. We talked and it's fine. I just told her it was a joke. All I know is I do NOT want to talk to some stupid counselor.

No coffee today, sad sad times :(

Xo- Tony

current mood: pissed off
current location: class
current muzic: :Chicago is so Two Years Ago:Fall Out Boy:

tags:

i like school a lot, so i wish i wasn't feeling like this. Don't wanna go to any of my classes. Don't wanna get up. Do any work. kinda wish i could just go home but then i remember it's hard there too.

The only place i wanna be is the passenger seat of your car.

tags:

talking

today was okay. there was good and bad, to balance each other out. do you know that feeling when too much good is happening and you *know* something bad is going to happen next? terrible

practice today was kinda sucky. for the first part, i was playing with my friends and the team captain. soo basically practice consists of stretching then playing 'catch' with the birdie. its not really catch but i have no idea what else to call it. see, the idea of catch USUALLY consists of passing something to another person..not spiking said thing towards the ground. so if this concept is familiar to someone who hasn't played a sport since they were six, you would think the fucking team captain would understand it? wrong. so stupid. i stopped playing with them to play with

sincerelyloveme, not that it was much better... we both did a bad job today

after practice, i opened up my phone to see that i got a 21/21 on my gov quiz. it brought my D up to a C- which is crazy because getting my grade that high after starting the quarter with a 9% is nearly impossible. thats also one of my highest gov test grades which made me super happy. its also getting warm outside. it feels good until im walking home sweaty and swatting away bugs that are too excited to land on me.

but, i also found out one of my friends supposedly has a crush on me? which is weird because i literally talk to him about OTHER guys all the time. he knows i don't like him like that, so why would he like me? i guess we'll never know because im never going to ask. i wish i could read minds

i haven't felt good with words in a while, maybe i'll feel like writing something dramatic soon.

xoxo

a

current mood: blah

"Pennies and colder fountains"

Today has gone from ticking time bomb to I'm walkin' on sunshine YEAHHH.

People are trying to bully and possibly fight my friend, and I don't stand for that. The girl that's doing it is someone I know a little personally. I know she's a horrible person inside and out. She's like one of those ugly witches, the ones that make up rumors like concoctions and poison the school with her spell.

I walked into my orchestra class today and was scared to death. For some background, I'm in an orchestra. I'm a violin, but for the pieces we have right now I'm 3rd violin (viola part adapted to treble clef, violin and viola have different clefs). I usually sit with the violas. I walk in, unpack my bag, and I see that I am the only 3rd violin, the only viola, that came to class. So out of the 25 violins and 7 cellos and 2 basses I am the only viola. I rarely practice in that class, so I was obviously praying to be magically smashed by a piano.

My friend brought 2 two liter bottles of Dr. K (she couldn't afford the name brand) and ROOT BEER!! Plus cups so we could drink something not straight out of the bottle, AWESOME! I'm so happy I get to drink soft drinks in school (they don't sell soft drinks like these In here)

Your doing what you said you wouldn't, said what you never did.

xoXOOXO- Antonio

current mood: giddy
current location: class
current muzic: :Early Sunsets Over Monroeville:My Chemical Romance:

tags:

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current mood: frustrated

tags:

yapping

go back to what it meant back then

(and you imagine yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing)

sorry,, lol

Oh, Change Will Come, And Soon.

"Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist."

I watched the stars fall upon us

i sound like a perv

breaking bottles in an empty lot

To far from me

Performing some traffic maintenance today

No Wit, No Conscience, and An Empty Stomach

Are you there?

ungrounded..finally

all you are is history

Don't slack off just yet

"Bill, I believe this is killing me."

and catch me up

I am an IDIOT!!!

Hope you think of me thinking of you

heeeyy na na na na

you've gotta be kidding me...

Ughhh

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